Life as a Young Single Mom

I've been wanting to post again for a few days now but there is so much on my mind. It's hard when your life moves at 120 mph to slow down and just think things through. Something I've been struggling with a lot is judging myself. I look at the way people typically treat each other and think "there is no way that person doesn't think this about me." I put so much pressure on myself to do better and be better, but sometimes you just have to take things one day at a time. My biggest fear, of course, spawns from not being able to give Ayla everything she deserves. I work 45-50 hours a week and still seem to be drowning. I push myself past exhausted and work through the pain, which isn't outside of normal for people now. I struggle a lot with feeling like I should have another parental roll for Ayla, like she deserves better than just me. Which leads into the main point of this post. The main reason most of my relationships don't work out is because I w...

So, when I was in high school, I was bullied and teased a lot. I was that girl that everyone picked on. I was too fat, then too thin, then repulsive, then a whore, and so many other things. What a lot of people don't know is that I believed every word people said about me. I hated myself and kept changing to make people like me, but they would just find new names to call me. High school is rough, for almost everyone. No one really feels like they fit in. This post is going to be a lot more personal, and I am going to talk about something I have been hiding for years. When I was 14, I had a friend who I was head over heels for. He lived down the street from me and we rode the bus together every day. He was absolutely gorgeous (and still is). All I wanted was for him to notice me. One day, after school, we were hanging out in the green belt by his house, sitting against a wall tossing pebbles at a tree. We were just talking about life and school and whatever, until out of no where...

Dating as a mom is one of the toughest challenges I've ever had to face. It's not at all like dating without kids. There are so many favors that play into it, most of which have more to do with your child than with your relationship itself. The hardest part for me personally is finding a good pace for the relationship. No matter who you date, you always have to look at them as a potential parent for your child because if they aren't safe or don't even like kids, what are you doing in that relationship?? Then there is deciding when they can't meet your baby and learning to try to trust someone with something more valuable than your own life. When I say "look at them as a potential parent, I don't mean have them take on rolls or picture yourself growing old and having a family with that person, which is really easy to do. As a young mom, my hormones are constantly up and down and it is really easy for me to get attached to someone. What helps me not to thro...

My name is Cierra Trayner, and I am mostly starting this blog for myself. I am 20 years old and have a little girl, Ayla James who is turning one on Monday, April 10. And while she is the light of my life, being a single mom is really hard. This post will be mainly talking about who I am and just a little about my situation. I was in my freshman year of college at Arizona State as a Chemical Engineering major when I found out I was pregnant. I didn't even know until i was 9 weeks (2 months), I thought I simply had a bad case of  the stomach flu. One of my closest friends, Sarah picked me up and was with me when I took the test. When it came up positive she told me about this group she was part of called Younglives ( a subdivision of Younglife for young mommas). She brought me to my first meeting and introduces me to other young moms and helped me a lot through a really hard time. I am not lying when I say that Younglives saved my daughters life. I am the mom I am today because of...