Dating as a mom is one of the toughest challenges I've ever had to face. It's not at all like dating without kids. There are so many favors that play into it, most of which have more to do with your child than with your relationship itself.
The hardest part for me personally is finding a good pace for the relationship. No matter who you date, you always have to look at them as a potential parent for your child because if they aren't safe or don't even like kids, what are you doing in that relationship?? Then there is deciding when they can't meet your baby and learning to try to trust someone with something more valuable than your own life.
When I say "look at them as a potential parent, I don't mean have them take on rolls or picture yourself growing old and having a family with that person, which is really easy to do. As a young mom, my hormones are constantly up and down and it is really easy for me to get attached to someone. What helps me not to throw myself at someone is to remember that if I let them in Ayla's life and set them up as a parent figure, it's going to hurt her way worse than it is going to hurt me. She won't understand why that person isn't around anymore. Dating is about finding the person you want to spend your life with, not just to play games or have fun, especially with a baby involved.
I've put a lot of pressure on myself to find a spouse and coparent for Ayla. I don't want her to grow up with just a mommy. It is so easy to feel like I should be with someone and have that other figure in her life, but rushing in to a relationship just to have someone there is way worse than a child growing up with one parent.
Before I had Ayla, I rushed a lot of relationships and put myself in some really bad situations. There was a man I dated when I was 18 who was 26 years old. I didn't know what I was doing and I really just wanted the attention, whether is was positive or negative. He treated me awfully and I let him because I was in too deep to get out without help. It took him leaving me for another girl for my eyes to be opened to see how sick that relationship was.
The difference between me then and me now is that I would never be with someone who abused me. I don't ever want Ayla to see me treated that way and think it is okay. Kids see what we do and how we let people treat us. If I stay with someone who shouts at me or talks down to me or hits me, she is going to let someone treat her that way and I would rather die than let that happen.
Kids are crazy and they make life hard, but they also make life so much better.
Another problem with dating is the judgement from others. I want to start off and say that it is NONE of their business and they don't have the right to say hurtful things. They can't imagine the struggle you go through. I have been judged for dating a lot of people in a short period of time; but the reason I did that is because when a guy I'm dating proves to me that he isn't someone I want around Ayla, that relationship is over. Done. Finished. And for those of you who are judging single moms, yes we put ourselves in the situation a lot of the time, but how does breaking us down a degrading us help at all? Does it make you feel good? Because all you're doing is making a hard situation worse, which that mom and more importantly, that baby, don't deserve. Instead of pointing out how I look to young to have a baby, next time maybe offer and smile or hold the door or just say "Have a good day!" There is no reason to judge or be hurtful. We are all just doing our best in our own lives.
The hardest part for me personally is finding a good pace for the relationship. No matter who you date, you always have to look at them as a potential parent for your child because if they aren't safe or don't even like kids, what are you doing in that relationship?? Then there is deciding when they can't meet your baby and learning to try to trust someone with something more valuable than your own life.
When I say "look at them as a potential parent, I don't mean have them take on rolls or picture yourself growing old and having a family with that person, which is really easy to do. As a young mom, my hormones are constantly up and down and it is really easy for me to get attached to someone. What helps me not to throw myself at someone is to remember that if I let them in Ayla's life and set them up as a parent figure, it's going to hurt her way worse than it is going to hurt me. She won't understand why that person isn't around anymore. Dating is about finding the person you want to spend your life with, not just to play games or have fun, especially with a baby involved.
I've put a lot of pressure on myself to find a spouse and coparent for Ayla. I don't want her to grow up with just a mommy. It is so easy to feel like I should be with someone and have that other figure in her life, but rushing in to a relationship just to have someone there is way worse than a child growing up with one parent.
Before I had Ayla, I rushed a lot of relationships and put myself in some really bad situations. There was a man I dated when I was 18 who was 26 years old. I didn't know what I was doing and I really just wanted the attention, whether is was positive or negative. He treated me awfully and I let him because I was in too deep to get out without help. It took him leaving me for another girl for my eyes to be opened to see how sick that relationship was.
The difference between me then and me now is that I would never be with someone who abused me. I don't ever want Ayla to see me treated that way and think it is okay. Kids see what we do and how we let people treat us. If I stay with someone who shouts at me or talks down to me or hits me, she is going to let someone treat her that way and I would rather die than let that happen.
Kids are crazy and they make life hard, but they also make life so much better.
Another problem with dating is the judgement from others. I want to start off and say that it is NONE of their business and they don't have the right to say hurtful things. They can't imagine the struggle you go through. I have been judged for dating a lot of people in a short period of time; but the reason I did that is because when a guy I'm dating proves to me that he isn't someone I want around Ayla, that relationship is over. Done. Finished. And for those of you who are judging single moms, yes we put ourselves in the situation a lot of the time, but how does breaking us down a degrading us help at all? Does it make you feel good? Because all you're doing is making a hard situation worse, which that mom and more importantly, that baby, don't deserve. Instead of pointing out how I look to young to have a baby, next time maybe offer and smile or hold the door or just say "Have a good day!" There is no reason to judge or be hurtful. We are all just doing our best in our own lives.
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