Skip to main content

Opinions

Tomorrow I meet with Ayla's dad to talk everything over... to say I'm scared is an understatement. People kept telling me what I should do and what I should say and whether or not I should ask for child support and how much and how often I should let him see her, if at all. People just have so many opinions on what they believe is the right thing to do. I just want to say that I understand you are just trying to help and be kind, but you have to understand that it's my choice.
A lot of people say "just take him to court, they'll figure it out." But why would I do that if he and I agree on what needs to be done? Everyone wants to tell me what to do and while I am a patient woman, my patience is wearing thin. I'm going to do what I believe is right. I'm not asking for your permission or your opinion when I open up to talk about what is going on in my life, I'm just looking for someone to listen.
Listening is such a huge thing! It's the majority of a conversation. Listening and comprehending and understanding things in difference ways. You can hear something different than it was said or you can say something with one intention but have it come out wrong. Stop and listen to what people are saying and how they mean it. Don't twist things because or whatever is going on inside of you. A quote I've heard a few times is. "Are you listening to understand, or listening to form a response?"
I struggle a lot with assuming people are saying things when they aren't. I put words into people and take the opinions I've formed of myself and put it on others.
I'm not going to lie and tell you that my life is awesome and I feel beautiful and I skip to wor every day. Life as a single mom is HARD! There are people who judge me for being young and being single and going out with friends and whatever they can find to put me down, but that isn't every one. Most people don't bare and they're just living their lives.
I had a good friend start a really big fight when I originally didn't even know I had hurt her. We had grown apart and I wasn't thinking anything bad of her or saying mean things, I was just living life. She found herself doing the same thing I do, and put this opinion of herself on me. She thinks people look at her this way but I am not one of them. She is kind and beautiful and has been through a lot. I won't deny that after the fight started, I became very guarded and put up walls to defend myself, but I really would like to fix things with her.
Michelle, I don't know if you read my blogs, but I was never trying to replace you or hurt you. There was a lot of drama, and not just for you, but for me as well. I wasn't trying to push you away but I was taking steps back because some of the things you were doing and saying hurt me a lot. I wasn't trying to do anything except protect myself. You're an amazing girl and I hope everything is going well for you. :)

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

New Blog

My name is Cierra Trayner, and I am mostly starting this blog for myself. I am 20 years old and have a little girl, Ayla James who is turning one on Monday, April 10. And while she is the light of my life, being a single mom is really hard. This post will be mainly talking about who I am and just a little about my situation. I was in my freshman year of college at Arizona State as a Chemical Engineering major when I found out I was pregnant. I didn't even know until i was 9 weeks (2 months), I thought I simply had a bad case of  the stomach flu. One of my closest friends, Sarah picked me up and was with me when I took the test. When it came up positive she told me about this group she was part of called Younglives ( a subdivision of Younglife for young mommas). She brought me to my first meeting and introduces me to other young moms and helped me a lot through a really hard time. I am not lying when I say that Younglives saved my daughters life. I am the mom I am today because of...

Dead Beat Dad

Yesterday was one of the hardest days I have had in a very long time. My heart was completely shattered by Ayla's father, Seth. For a few weeks now, he had made the choice to be in Ayla's life and pay child support and work together with me to raise Ayla so that she had both of her parents in her life. Everything seemed to be going well and we were kind and I even let him meet Ayla. It was only for an hour at a McDonald's, just so he could see her and he and I could have our first face to face interaction since I was 3-4 months pregnant. It was nerve wracking to see him and I had to rein in a lot of harbored anger I had towards him for abandoning us. I had decided that forgiveness was the best way to approach the situation, for Ayla's sake. This man is a runner, so I knew if I confronted him on his inappropriate behavior he would just walk away again. This entire time I have been kind and understanding, and I had made the choice to put the past behind us and try to ev...

Self Worth

So, when I was in high school, I was bullied and teased a lot. I was that girl that everyone picked on. I was too fat, then too thin, then repulsive, then a whore, and so many other things. What a lot of people don't know is that I believed every word people said about me. I hated myself and kept changing to make people like me, but they would just find new names to call me. High school is rough, for almost everyone. No one really feels like they fit in. This post is going to be a lot more personal, and I am going to talk about something I have been hiding for years. When I was 14, I had a friend who I was head over heels for. He lived down the street from me and we rode the bus together every day. He was absolutely gorgeous (and still is). All I wanted was for him to notice me. One day, after school, we were hanging out in the green belt by his house, sitting against a wall tossing pebbles at a tree. We were just talking about life and school and whatever, until out of no where...