Life as a Young Single Mom

Alright, so for those of you who don't know, I had to take my blog down because Seth (Aylas Dad) and I got into a court bottles fighting for parenting time. I would like to announce that things are going fairly well between Aylas two families and we are doing our best to give Ayla everything she deserves! Ayla is two now and is sleeping in her own big girl bed! We are working on potty training and she loves Minnie mouse! I am currently enrolled at Empire Beauty School for cosmetology and, whole it's hard, I have never enjoyed learning so much. Currently I am learning nails and learning how talking care of them is so important because your nails can tell you if the rest of you is sick. I'm so amazed with how incredible the human body is! Also, for the last 4, almost 5, months (7 if you count casual dating before hand) I have been in a serious committed relationship with a man I love very much. His name is Kory May. He and I together are raising his daughter and my daughte...

Yesterday was one of the hardest days I have had in a very long time. My heart was completely shattered by Ayla's father, Seth. For a few weeks now, he had made the choice to be in Ayla's life and pay child support and work together with me to raise Ayla so that she had both of her parents in her life. Everything seemed to be going well and we were kind and I even let him meet Ayla. It was only for an hour at a McDonald's, just so he could see her and he and I could have our first face to face interaction since I was 3-4 months pregnant. It was nerve wracking to see him and I had to rein in a lot of harbored anger I had towards him for abandoning us. I had decided that forgiveness was the best way to approach the situation, for Ayla's sake. This man is a runner, so I knew if I confronted him on his inappropriate behavior he would just walk away again. This entire time I have been kind and understanding, and I had made the choice to put the past behind us and try to ev...

Tomorrow I meet with Ayla's dad to talk everything over... to say I'm scared is an understatement. People kept telling me what I should do and what I should say and whether or not I should ask for child support and how much and how often I should let him see her, if at all. People just have so many opinions on what they believe is the right thing to do. I just want to say that I understand you are just trying to help and be kind, but you have to understand that it's my choice. A lot of people say "just take him to court, they'll figure it out." But why would I do that if he and I agree on what needs to be done? Everyone wants to tell me what to do and while I am a patient woman, my patience is wearing thin. I'm going to do what I believe is right. I'm not asking for your permission or your opinion when I open up to talk about what is going on in my life, I'm just looking for someone to listen. Listening is such a huge thing! It's the majority...

I apologize for not posting in a while. The last few weeks have been a lot. I finally contacted Aylas grandparents on her fathers side and they are AMAZING! We are so lucky that they are such kind and generous people. They instantly welcomed Ayla and I into their family and made it clear that I was as welcome as Ayla was. We talked at length and spent time getting to know each other before deciding how we wanted to proceed. It turns out, Aylas father, Seth, never told his parents around Ayla so they were completely shocked when I contacted them. They were angry and hurt but also so excited to meet their granddaughter. Everything has been so crazy since then and my stress level has been unreal... there have been a lot of tears and breaking out and breaking down from everyone involved. Seth and his fiancé just had a bevy, Adella who is only a few weeks old. His parents knew things weren't going to be pretty when he told her the truth but we have all been praying for the best. Abou...

I've been wanting to post again for a few days now but there is so much on my mind. It's hard when your life moves at 120 mph to slow down and just think things through. Something I've been struggling with a lot is judging myself. I look at the way people typically treat each other and think "there is no way that person doesn't think this about me." I put so much pressure on myself to do better and be better, but sometimes you just have to take things one day at a time. My biggest fear, of course, spawns from not being able to give Ayla everything she deserves. I work 45-50 hours a week and still seem to be drowning. I push myself past exhausted and work through the pain, which isn't outside of normal for people now. I struggle a lot with feeling like I should have another parental roll for Ayla, like she deserves better than just me. Which leads into the main point of this post. The main reason most of my relationships don't work out is because I w...

So, when I was in high school, I was bullied and teased a lot. I was that girl that everyone picked on. I was too fat, then too thin, then repulsive, then a whore, and so many other things. What a lot of people don't know is that I believed every word people said about me. I hated myself and kept changing to make people like me, but they would just find new names to call me. High school is rough, for almost everyone. No one really feels like they fit in. This post is going to be a lot more personal, and I am going to talk about something I have been hiding for years. When I was 14, I had a friend who I was head over heels for. He lived down the street from me and we rode the bus together every day. He was absolutely gorgeous (and still is). All I wanted was for him to notice me. One day, after school, we were hanging out in the green belt by his house, sitting against a wall tossing pebbles at a tree. We were just talking about life and school and whatever, until out of no where...